Artwork Anonymous

This essay was written for an online writing group where the task was to write about articulating the self.

Artwork by Rod Kitson

Hello everyone. My name is Tabish Khan and I am an artwork. I’ve been an artwork for three years now and it’s not been an easy three years. There have been some dark times, but I’m hopeful that I’m past the worst of it.

The hardest part is the not knowing. I mean, who was this Tabish Khan? Was he a real person or just some creation from an artist’s imagination with a fictional identity?

If he was real, do I even look like him? Would his friend’s recognise me as him? Would his mum say that’s my Tabish? On second thoughts she probably has her own pet name for him that isn’t Tabish and I’ll never know what it is. Sometimes I get caught in this spiral and I find myself struggling to function.

What was the purpose for creating me? It clearly wasn’t meant as a flattering piece as I’m not particularly attractive, I mean - I don’t even have any hair. Was I meant to sit in Tabish’s basement and age in his place? Or to be placed on a wall in some stately home to serve as a memento of a long gone relative? Who am I kidding, I’m not white enough for a stately home.

Does my personality even resemble his in the slightest or is that something completely unrelated to the fact that I have his likeness and his name? I would Google him but I don’t have any fingers - thanks a lot, artist creator.

I know that I think, therefore I am. But some days I’m not sure I’m even real. That one day someone else will wake up and that will be the end of me as I was merely a figment of someone else’s subconscious - extinguished at the moment of awakening. After all, who ever heard of an artwork that can contemplate its own existence … or should that be his existence, do I even have a gender and do I want one?

I’m just rambling now and I’m not even sure where I’m going with this. It’s just nice to get this off my chest and have people to talk to and who will listen to me without judgement. I want to end by thanking you all for being here for me in these difficult times and I hope that someday I can repay the favour by supporting you in your time of need.